IMDb meta-data is runtime of 1 hour 19 minutes, rated 3.80 by 1062 cinematizens.
Genre: Sy FY.
Verdict: Time stood still.
Mars Needs women again (see below). Rather than place ads on Facebook to recruit airheads, they send a cute little Tardis space ship, three times as big inside as outside. Head of Mission is a snide queen of the Nile abetted by a bald garden gnome with triple ears that you want to tweak.
At the same time NASA, which is presented as a military operation, has found the perfect astronaut: handsome for photo ops, silent so as not to give anything away, and stupid enough accept this role. He is great grandpa Data, an android. This fact is super secret least the American public fail to support spending money on droids.
The two missions cross paths when Droid aborts, ejects, and bails over Puerto Rico! Why? Good question. Would the answer be tax credits to film there? There is a little travelogue of beaches and seaside.
Nile’s minions in white overalls and fishbowl helmets round up party girls who seem to take it is all as part of the fun. Meanwhile, Droid’s keepers have come looking for him. The trauma of the abort injured him and now, as a public service, he goes around strangling people listening to pop music.
Of the 79 minutes, perhaps 35 of them are stock footage of beaches and waves and USAF planes taking off, landing, parking, sitting, more sitting. This footage insures there is no momentum or pace. Splicing this free footage then shows the minders boarding one kind of jet in Miami, flying on another, and landing in San Juan in a third. Mid-air refuelling we have all heard of, but mid-air passenger transfer was a new one.
Nile keeps a retreaded monster ITT for devouring bystanders as an accessory on the spaceship and Droid and ITT duke it out. The fraternity brothers claimed the monster was a well-known Delt whose name they have forgotten, like their own some mornings.
Noteworthy moments in this parson’s egg include:
1.When Droid froze at the press conference, and the assembled blood suckers did not seem to notice.
2.The following scene when Droid’s coif is peeled to reveal the heartless brain of McKinsey manager.
3.The several sidelong, sneering glances exchanged between Nile and her Gnome reminded me of the reaction of some one-time colleagues to any sensible suggestion.
4.The many bikini-clad Anglas who party-on.
5.The complete absence of Hispanics in Puerto Rico.
6.The many off-duty GIs who stand around at parade rest, earning a few dollars as film extras. Plus see point (4) above.
The end, these were such welcome words as I watched this film on Isle de Saint Vincent.
Mars seems to lurch from one shortage to another. For proof see the following:
The Devil Girl from Mars (1954) – who come for men!
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) – who went with toys
The Night Caller (1965) – who has come for women
Mars needs Women (1967) – guess
Lobster Man from Mars (1989) – air
Mars needs Mums (2011) – guess
Now Mars needs Dogs, now that would be epic.