Uchû daisensô 

Battle in Outer Space (1959) Uchû daisensô 

IMDb meta-data is a runtime of 1 hour and 30 minutes, rated 5.7 by 1,500 cinematizens

DNA: Japan.

Verdict: Shoot ‘em up! We’re good at that. [Indeed.]

Tagline: The Munchkins are coming! 

No sooner did the Mysterians leave in 1957 than the Munchkins arrived in 1959, setting up a military base on our Moon!  While the Mysterians said they went to Pearl Harbor in peace, these Munchkins skip the soft soap and get right to the zap. Peace is for wimps. They came to conquer.  

It takes one to know one and in response the world Co-Prosperity Sphere unites behind Japan to battle the Munchkins, repeatedly for at least two-thirds of the runtime. Where would we be without the peace-loving Japanese to blow things up? 

In a favourite ploy of cheapskate invaders, the Munchkins exercise mind control over a couple of key individuals to save on make up.  These zombies go around looking vacant when turning off valves that would save the world. Some plumbers they are!

The budget went on models to create effects, and these are very well done. Better even than Gerry Anderson’s toys.  Albeit, the moon buggies looks too much like Oscar Meyer Weinermobiles to take seriously. 

The story has parallels with The Earth versus Flying Saucers of 1956 but even less character development.  There are also reflections of it in the space battles of Star Wars.  

Nandor Fodor and the Talking Mongoose (2023)

IMDb meta-data is a runtime of 1 hour and 36 minutes, rated 5.4 by 1701 cinematizens.

Genre: MysteryCom.

DNA: Isle of Man.

Verdict: Oh hum. 

Tagline: Oh hum.

With the sledgehammer subtlety of Hollywood the opening scene lays out the film.  Reality is what you believe it is.  Welcome to Fox News and Magaland. 

However it takes another 90 minutes to confirm that thesis. Dr Nandor Fodor (1895-1964), who by the way did exist and made a career of debunking the mysticism of the time, gets drawn into conversation with an illegal Asian immigrant mongoose.  (You read that right.)

On the plus side of the ledger, the acting is fine, the cinematography of the Isle of Man is scrumptious, and the valedictory presence of Dr Emmett Brown is charming.  

On the debt side the story is an empty shell. The syllable ‘Com’ is used above because ‘comedy’ is attributed to it on the IMDb but I did not notice any of it myself.  

I watched it thinking Simon Pegg is a clever writer himself and any project with his touch would be fun. WRONG!  

Dead Men

Dead Men don’t Wear Plaid (1982) Les cadavres ne portent pas de comstard

IMDb meta-data is runtime of 1 hour and 28 minutes, rated 6.8 by 23,000 cinematizens. 

Genre: Comedy Noir.

Verdict: One of a kind. 

Tagline: ‘You do know how to dial, don’t you?’   

It all started when she walked into his life, well, in fact she fell into his arms at seeing the headline on the newspaper he was reading: ‘The Dodgers lose again!’  Dem bums! 

Thus begins the Tec’s search for the frenemies of his favourite brunette, Carlotta.  Along the way he enlists Marlowe as a legman, whose motto is ‘Guns don’t kill but love does.’  He also issues the title line.  [No spoiler.]

Partly parody, mostly homage to US film noir of the post-World War II era, as the bumbling Tec follows the trail, none too coherently, meeting, in addition to Humphrey Bogart’s Marlowe, Cary Grant, Alan Ladd, Barbara Stanwick, Bette Davis, Lana Turner, and more in some brilliant cutting.  

When all the fun is done, the closing dedication is the golden touch because it is to all the invisible talents who put the noir into noir, the cinematographers, the camera men, focus pullers, the composers, the musicians, the prop men, the designers, the set builders, the costumers, the audio engineers, and so on.  They put the magic on the screen where it has stayed since.  

I had forgotten how much I liked this movie until I watched it again.  

Surprise(d)?

(T)Raumschiff Surprise – Periode 1 (2004)

IMDb meta-data is runtime of 1 hour and 27 minutes, rated 5.5 by 16,000 cinematizens.

Genre: Sy Fy.

DNA: German.

Verdict:  Crass but fun, in (a few) parts.

Tagline: Move over, Benny Hill.  

‘When the Earth is in peril, who are you going to call?’  Certainly not the (Enter)Surprise.  But well, who else can be sacrificed to the cause?

Nothing works on the good starship Surprise, including the crew, of Groans, Snotty, Smirk, and Captain Kork. The Martians are about to conquer Earth when this crew intervenes, along with the interstellar cab driver who delivered them, because the Captain refused to be beamed Economy class and he didn’t have enough Space Cadet points to upgrade to Business. In extremis the secret and untested weapon is deployed: the time travel sofa!  Sit on it and time passes? Yes, but in which direction?

It takes them three tries to get the right year, leaving behind chaos here and there in a medieval court, in the wild west, and finally Area 51, which is not next door to Area 50!  

The humour entertained the Fraternity Brothers, who have an inflatable Benny Hill doll in their room.  (Don’t ask.)

On the good side, it would be banned in Florida, and there are some good lines.  

When languishing in the slammer, the big handsome taxi driver confesses to another prisoner his failures with women, saying that to please his ex-wife he learned to dance, to play the piano, and to smile at her parents.  Whew!  Yet she still divorced him and took everything, leaving him to eat, sleep, and work in the cab.  Ah, says the other prisoner, leaning close, there are words that will set every woman’s heart ablaze, my friend. ‘What? What!’ asks the stud. ‘Let’s go shopping!’  Sure enough, next chance he gets, the stud tries these magic words, and [censored].  

One hopes there is no Periode 2.  But per the IMDb it was a smash hit in its heimat

Orders

Les ordres (1974) Orders

IMDb meta-data is runtime of 1 hour and 49 minutes, rated 8.1 by 1,100 cinematizens.

Genre: docudrama. 

DNA: Québécois. 

Verdict: Disquieting.

Tagline: Why?

‘The October Crisis of 1970,’ seen through the eyes of five innocent by-standers who were caught in the tsunami response: one is a union shop steward, his stay-at-home wife, a single father on the dole with custody of two small children, a woman university student, and a male doctor from a health clinic, three men and two women. They along with 500 others were seized and incarcerated without warrant, explanation, trial, or common courtesy: hand cuffed, stripped, strip-searched including ahem…, and verbally and physically abused as they were imprisoned. No indignity was omitted. As far as the police and warders knew, these were dangerous and violent extremists, despite their appearance.  

The details of induction into life in jail are many, and hard to watch, especially knowing that none of the five had anything to do with the events. (Nor did any of the others in the five hundred.) The only thing they have in common was being Québécois, but then so are their jailers.  

While the presentation is low-key and matter of fact, it cannot but remind viewers of Germans rounding up Jews or Latin American dictators sweeping up real or imagined enemies for one-way trips.  They were processed in the underground carpark of football stadium in that best South American style.

It can’t happen (t)here! But it did, and it might again. 

Notice the weapon at the ready.

Their homes were torn apart in the search for… no one seems to know what, and that ignorance made the searches even more furious and destructive, while young children were left without a parent as the police hauled away mom or dad.  ‘Not our problem,’ says one officer.  (Neighbours stepped in.)

The five were held from six to twenty days, and put under conspicuous surveillance after release. None of the 500 were charged with anything to do with the kidnapping and murder of the October Crisis.  Though the extra-legal searches did turn up evidence of other crimes, like unpaid traffic tickets, overdue library books, marijuana stashes, and other such high crimes. ‘Apprended insurrection’ not!  Those were the legal magic words used to justify the imposition of martial lawlessness.

The question is why these five and these five hundred?  What list(s) were they on?  The film gives no answer. 

There are extensive entries on the Crisis in the Canadian Encyclopaedia, but these are carefully bland, offering no insight into that question. The literature I could identify concerns the big picture and not these human faces.  

Those handcuffed and bundled away often asked: ‘Why me?’  On the rare occasions when they were answered the response was: ‘Les ordres.’  Makes you wonder whether your own name is on someone’s list.   

The direction and acting are low key throughout, and the telling measured and mesmerising.  It is more a documentary than a drama in presentation.

Sssh, listen to that star!

Whispering Star (2015) Hiso hiso boshi

Runtime of 1 hour and 40 minutes rated 6.5 by 1244 cinematizens

Genre: Sy Fy.

DNA: Japan.

Verdict: Museum pace.

Tagline: all trip, no arrival.

The inside story of UPS (Space Parcel Service) as the android operator traverses the universe to deliver cardboard boxes to the widely dispersed, few remaining human beings in the galaxy.   

The SPS van looks like a humble cottage outside and inside, except for the rocket motors, and the computer guidance system which froths at speaker on bad days. Imagine that, a rocket ship with a leaking faucet, and a moth trapped in the cover diffuser on a neon tube ceiling light.

Space is vast and empty and the deliveries take years. Many wonderful images of the cosmos. 

Strange since Amazon teleportation takes seconds but some people prefer this archaic method of dispatch. The android has a daily routine of cleaning and recording a log. We see this repeatedly. (Hint.) 

When not changing her AA batteries, the Droid does peek in some of the boxes (which are unsealed such is the trust in androids), perhaps wondering, if androids are curious, what could be so special or important as to warrant a ten-year delivery by hand. Only the most mundane objects are revealed: a hat, a pencil, a strip of film with banal images on it, a feather, one wood screw, a blank scrap of paper….   Upon arrival recipients are blasé about the decade long delivery, except for one whose reaction we see through a paper wall like a shadow puppet play. Marvellously done.  

Most of the outdoor footage was shot in the forbidden zone of Fukushima and looks it.  That reference will remind alert cinematizens of Andrei Tarkovsky (sorry about that), and yes on this point there is a resemblance to his Stalker (1979). But I found his palpable contempt for both audience and subject matter distasteful, whereas this treatment was restrained and presented its subjects with respect, even deference. This filmmaker did not watermark the film with a sneer like Tarkovsky.

Black-and-white with a minimal soundtrack. There are one or two shots of colour and a brief stretch of string music in one instance.  

Having said that, it still does not make much sense to me, but perhaps to thee. One review I read went on about Plato’s allegory of the cave, for no good reason that I could fathom.

Dans une galaxie près chez vous 2

Dans une galaxie près chez vous 2 (2008)

IMDb meta-data is a runtime of 1 hour and 40 minutes, rated 6.5 by 619 hopheads.  

Genre: Sy Fy.

DNA: Québécois.

Verdict: La même équipe, les mêmes blagues.  

Tagline: The second time is not even farce. 

It is 2040 and a desperate Earth, dying of its sins, turns to most puissant nation, le Canada, for salvation. Yes, things are so bad that Canada looks good.

The mission is to find an uninhabited but habitable planet for Earth’s ever decreasing population. With Les Canadiens uniforms, in ice hockey formation this is the crew for the job. Again.  

There are disquieting rumours that a ‘3’ will be made, if viewers show any interest. ‘Hands down, everyone!’

Feed the man meat!

The Big Meat Eater (1982)

IMDb meta-data is a runtime is 1 hour 22 minutes, rated 5.2 by 398 friends and family.  

DNA: Canada

Genre: Sy Fy.

Tagline: The best of the lot.

Verdict: Your tax dollars at work.  

A small town butcher in the Ottawa River valley has a shop built on a fuel source for an alien space ship.  To get at the fuel the aliens slowly (very) and subtlety (not) take over the town to get at the fuel.  

Sounds better than it is.  It is a bit of this, some of that, and less and less.  

The butcher’s slogan is ‘Pleased to meet you. Meat to please you.’  That is the only smile I got in the runtime.

Funded by Telefilm Canada, like Music of the Spheres reviewed elsewhere on this blog. Certainly no private investor would have bought this pitch. But a public service committee under pressure to spend the money or lose it did. Just think:  the proposal for this film must have been the  better than others on the table.  Think about that. Wisely, on its website Telefilm Canada does not list the projects it has funded.  

Night is vast

The Vast of the Night (2019).

IMDb meta-data is a run time of 1 hour and 31 minutes, rated 6.7 by 43,000 cinematizens. 

Genre: Sy Fy.

DNA: Roswell.

Verdict: A fresh twist on an old story. 

Tagline: Watch the sky!

At a small crossroads town in New Mexico strange things are happening but most people don’t notice because they’re in the high school gym to watch the opening game of the basketball season against ArchRivals.  Everyone, that is, except the all-night DJ on the local radio station and the high school girl who runs the town telephone switchboard until midnight.

This is the mid-1950s when only radio and telephone connected this remote town to the wider world.  

This radio guy and this high school girl are both nerds and well aware of the fact that their jobs set them apart from others.  Each sees the current alienation as an investment in bigger things to come. He aspires to a career in radio, elsewhere.  She saves money to go away to college.  

Establishing these backstories is done effortlessly but slowly, taking too much time on the clock. This Act I must take about 30 minutes.   

Then, while alone at the little switchboard, she finds calls dropping out. Repeatedly. (I blamed Telecom!) Being of curious mind she starts monitoring calls and hears a strange sort of static before the drop. Being a nerd she happens to have a tape recorder (the size of a suitcase) at hand and records the static.

Since anyone she might ask about the static, like the day shift telephone operator, is at the game, she calls the radio station to consult the DJ and plays the static on the phone for him. ’Well, that is odd,’ is radio guy’s reaction. It is call-in radio and he gets a long meandering call about strange things from Bill. Then another from Mabel. (These two must be weirdos if they are not at the game, along with those callers whose connections were dropped.) Both Bill and Mabel, unbeknownst to each other, have each been long ostracised for their separate and independent reports of strange things, and welcome the chance to talk about their experiences. Radio guy and phone girl are good listeners.  Much is hinted at but little is spoken. The hint is ‘Watch the Sky.’ This is Act II. 

Pedants corner.  Why he is not broadcasting the big game is anyone’s guess.  

In Act III they rush around a lot, though I could not quite fathom why and she fetches a baby to carry around. Then they have their close encounter. 

A great effort has gone into capturing the 1950’s with two-toned chromed, tail finned, and whitewall-tired cars, saddle shoes, cat’s-eye spectacles, poodle skirts, pocket protectors, yet the radio station has a ‘W’ call sign. ‘Impossible in New Mexico,’ cried the Fraternity Brothers. ‘West of the Mississippi was always “K.”’ But wait, WOTW might stand for the World of the Worlds radio broadcast.  Belay that quibble.    

Absent is the Red paranoia so palpable in those years.  Bill and Mabel would have been suspected by some convoluted reasoning of being reds under their own beds.    

Many of the lauding reviews focus on the technical aspects of camera work, length of takes, and other film school criteria that mean nothing to a viewer: me.  What I want is a story and some characters to get to know. These characters remain distant from the viewer, I found, despite the close-ups. Oh hum.   

Pick, pick, pick…even so, as it is, it is a far better thing than Asteroid City (2023) for all its millions.  

For those who must know, the division between “W” and “K” for radio call signs was made as that medium expanded greatly in the 1930s. Prior to that “W” was the norm. When this regulation was introduced, stations west of the Mississippi that had used “W” were given the option to retain that heritage. Some did, others switched to “K.” Satisfied?

It has spawned a Podcast Series for the stans.  

The Dial of Destiny (2023)

The Dial of Destiny (2023)

IMDb meta-data is a runtime of 2 hours and 34 minutes (Whew!), rated by 6.6 by 137,000 cinematizens. 

Genre: Indy.

DNA: adventure with a body count.

Verdict: Nostalgia.

Tagline: You never know when Doric Greek will come in handy.

It starts with a bang and then ramps up!  Among the exotic locales like the Bronx, Mid-Town, the Alps, Tangiers, Casablanca, insular Syracuse, and more. There is some superb acting from the three leads (and briefly from the hotel bellman and the Greek sponge fisherman) nearly lost in the rush. 

Most of the action is comic book, but fun anyway.  

Mads is a mutant Werner von Braun with a couple of Bama good ole boys licensed for mayhem. I found the plot hard to follow with the man on crutches who seemed to have wandered in from another film. I cringed at the early classroom scene which was all too realistic.  (Though wheeling in a television screen was not.  It could not be on, but had to be unplugged and plugged in, turned off and turned on, and the tuned in without a rooftop antenna.)  

The meeting of the time travellers is superbly played. 

It is way too long, but well, it’s Indy and he has earned some tolerance, true, but no, not this much.  

Pedant’s corner. There are many liberties with history, despite the considerable effort at verisimilitude. The German 2-cm anti-aircraft cannon was not a Bohors pom-pom gun. In August of 1939 there was no V-rocket program.  Then there is all the falderal about the tomb of Archimedes, which does not exist, and probably never did.