Top Line (1988)
IMDb meta-data is a runtime of 1 hour and 34 minutes, rated 4.6 by 415 cinematizens.
Genre: Sy Fy, hardly.
DNA: Italy.
Verdict: Blah.
Tagline: So bad, it’s bad.
Hirsute and drunken stereotype Journalist stumbles across a UFO buried in a mountain in Columbia. Oh hum. It took him a long time to find out nothing about it. No one believes him, but everyone is after him from the alphabet soup of impoverished screenwriters’ imaginations: KGB, CIA, MI6, DB, MsD, and a News Corp cyborg who has more personality than the leads.
It is a mishmash of Indiana Jones, Romancing the Stone, Terminator, topped with some Erich von Däniken Swiss cheese fondue. All that might sound like fun, but it isn’t. The director somehow got into childproof bottle of Prozac. The leads are bored and it shows. The sound is terrible. (Gravel-voiced George Kennedy is dubbed for reasons only know to god with a whiny German accent.) The editing is even more confusing than the story line. Dad jokes comprise the humour. Filmed on location in Columbia, it wallows in superficial stereotypes of that country. The only way it could have been worse would have been to have in the cast Steven Seagal.
Seeing it in a list of Sy Fy films with Franco Nero in the lead, I had high hopes that were quickly dashed.