A Pale Blue Dot: A Tale of Two Stargazers (2021)

IMDb is a runtime of 17m, rated by 0.

Genre: SyFy.

DNA: Italy.

Verdict: Lost in space.

Tagline:  [ … ]

IMDb summary: ‘After thousands of years since the extinction of the human race on Earth, an astronaut named Gladia lands on the now uninhabited Third Rock. Gladia comes from a distant planet where the last terrestrial settlers found refuge, before forgetting their planet of origin forever. She finds one inhabitant, a robot that has inherited all of human knowledge has evolved and developed a consciousness. The two will fight each other first but then they will realise that they are more similar than they thought.’

Gladia makes a crash-landing that destroys her vehicle so she calls for road service only to be told that there is none from the low-bid contractor.  Ergo, no rescue but over the hologram communication Gladia is thanked for the service.  A typical corporate dismissal.  She is now abandoned by the company. Full marks for realism.

We begin to realise Gladia is being watched, and Gladia then becomes aware of it.  

I have nothing more to add.  If there is more, I missed it. Nor did I notice much stargazing, literal minded as I am. The titular ‘Blue Dot’ brings to mind Carl Sagan and that must have had a purpose.  But what it is I cannot say.

Will Earth be repopulated by Gladia and the Robot?  That should be interesting!  But we’ll never know.  

PS I wondered if that ‘all knowledge’ included the locale of all the missing socks from laundry.   

Alien Weekend (2024)

IMDb meta-data is a runtime 1h and 34m, rated 5.4 by 184 cineastes. 

Genre: SyFY; Species: Shaggy Dog.  

DNA: TarHeels (NZ Sons)

Verdict: Homage to Paul (2011).

Tagline: ‘Yes, Ma’am…Sheriff!’

Four women in their early twenties have a girls’ night out that turns out to be (inter)stellar when Dave crashes to Earth. Oops! 

Budget zero and imagination galore combine in a diverting 90 minutes.  Followed by Zombie Repellent (2025), runtime 1h 17m, rated 4.7 by 258 spoilsports. George Romero move over. It’s a cackle! 

Chamber Music dramedy!

Fullt hús (2024) Grand Finale

IMDb meta-data is a runtime of 1h and 24m, rated 6.5 by 177 cineastes.  

Genre: Comedy.

DNA: Iceland.

Verdict: Four hoots and one holler!

Tagline: Yin and Yang.

Reykjavík’s only chamber orchestra is going down the fiscal drain.  Its last diehard six members often outnumber the paying customers in the decaying concert hall it owns.  In addition to the musicians there is a stage manager cum electrician-handyman and a makeup artist who also does the tea and sweeps up. These eight depend on an Arts Council grant to keep up the façade of the theatre and the orchestra, but….  Yes the budget cutters are at it again. Around the world they have learned that cutting education and arts is easy and has little political blowback.  

The orchestra’s leader does not take no for an answer but that is still the answer.  No more Icy krónas are coming from the 400,000 taxlings who prefer rugby.  Accordingly, it is almost too good to be true when the one and only world-famous cellist born of Iceland announces in Tokyo that he is leaving the world stage to return home. Instantly Leader makes full frontal contact and they agree to a gala return performance.    

Yep, if it seems almost too good to be true, then in cinema it surely and certainly is. This cellist’s music is yang but he is yin: He makes beautiful music and is a scumbag.  Oh well, the show must go on, and the locals grin and bare it, literally in some cases.  All of that was predictable, but then….the unpredictable starts happening and goes on.  Delicious irony ensues when the puppeteer arrives with her staple gun. See it to believe it. Laughter follows. Much.

Not sure what to make of the implicit message though.  Does the music critic labour under cultural cringe so that nothing local can be good?  If an audience expects beautiful music then is that what it hears? Was the orchestra that good all along? Or did the challenge of working with a totemic figure bring out the best in them, and unite them (in crime)?  Also unresolved was the raised eyebrow of the chief of police.  

P.S. Stay in your seat for the coda!  

***

We saw it at the Scandinavian film festival aptly called ‘Go North’ in Leichhardt at the very comfortable Palace cinema. It started on time, the preliminary adverts were not nearly as numbing as they usually are at the Dendy Newtown nor were there any Hollywood kapow previews, and it ended without a fuss.  These facts contrast with the experience to the Czech and Slovak film Festival screening we attended a few months ago at the Dendy that started very late, featured the worst of Val Morgan advertising (!) followed by trailers galore, and had a long tail-end.  On the other hand the Czech and Slovak session seemed more a community event while the Scandinavian one felt like an advertising campaign.

Oh hum…zzz.

Sto let tomu vperyod (2024) Guest from the Future 

IMDb meta-data is a runtime of 2h and 21m, rated 6.0 by 1,300 cineastes.  

Genre: Sy Fy.

DNA: Russia.

Verdict: Meh. 

Tagline: CGIs UFC it out.  

Whatever the original idea was it is buried under the CGI slugfest.  The players are appealing in different ways, but, of course, and once again, Alexander Petrov steals the show as a drooling madman. 

Big budget cinematography and CGI gets attention which then wanes as the story dissipates.  Though many will find a welcome confirmation that the high school physics teacher of infamy was an alien all along! I know I did.  

Atta girl!

Worm Radio (2020)  

IMDb mea-data is 15m rated 6.7 by 11 cineastes.

Genre: SyFy; Species: DUST.

DNA: USA.

Verdict: Atta girl. 

Tagline: She won’t quit. 

A charming short in which a very determined tweenager makes it happen.  

An object lesson in making something out of nothing. One writer/director and one player plus an ramshackle station wagon and a barn make the magic happen.    

Holy cow! Yep.

Holy Moses (2018)

IMDb meta-data is a runtime of 15m, rated 5.7 by 182 cineastes.  

Genre: Unknown.

DNA: Northern Ireland / West Texas!

Verdict: Intriguing!

Tagline: Holy cow!

An Irish nun confesses her original sin, and then goes to work in a snowy field with a calf, which promptly vanishes. Poof! Cut away twenty-five years later to the desiccated scrubland of West Texas to see  there, in an empty roadside diner, a short-order cook cleaning a stove who hears a thump behind him, and turns to see…[hint, not a customer for an early coffee.]

But wait there is more after he telephones the sheriff and wanders around in a daze.  

The film is two halves joined by the calf, well that is the continuity.  I found it mysterious and compelling, perhaps, due to the urgency of the players, but there was no resolution. It seems from the IMDb there has been no further development, so having set it up, the producers didn’t know what to do with it, or could not swing the finance to do what they had in mind. Tant pis.  

Oh, did I mention the burning bush?  Or the man in the dog collar?

L’ultimo sole della notte (2017)

L’ultimo sole della notte (2017) The Last Sun of the Night.

IMDb meta-data is a runtime of 1h and 42m, rated 6.6 by 52 cineastes.

Genre: SyFy.

DNA: Italian.

Verdict: S-l-o-w.  V-e-r-y.

Tagline: oh hum.

In the near future a glum young man with designer fuzz goes about his dreary business in a barren cityscape. His blank look never changes. Italy is under siege both within as well as from without.  He lives alone in Safe Zone 13 (his wife is in Brazil on business and can’t return because of the crises) and we see only two other residents and hear references to a few more unseen.

We learn this much by flashbacks that are poorly sign posted and confusing as the characters wear the same clothes and look the same in the flashback past as the current present. Don’t film school schools teach techniques to signal this distinction?  

No, I never did understand the title. What some of it did was to bring to mind the last days of Salò Republic late 1944 or the Hot Autumn of the so-called Red Brigades of 1969.

Oh, and I would hardly call it SyFy but the IMDb does.  It is a fiction set in an alternative present.  

Vtorzhenie (2020) Attraction 2 : Invasion

IMDb meta-data is a runtime of 2h 14m, rated 5.4 by 6,600 cineasts.

Genre: SyFy.

DNA: Russia.

 Verdict: Oh hum. 

Tagline: He’s back.  

This is a sequel of Attraction (2017) discussed earlier on this blog.  It adds little to the story. This outing is mostly shoot ‘em up with the unseen aliens.  This confrontation seems to have been caused by Lazarus Romeo’s insistence on returning to Earth to copulate (off camera) with Juliet. So, that old Hollywood trope is vindicated: they have come for our women!  Cf. The Mysterians (1957), Blood Beast from Outer Space (1965), Mars Needs Women [1968], and Lobster Man from Mars [1989] to name too many.

Needless to say, the Russian arsenal — depleted in Ukraine — is no match for these aliens, and it is up to Romeo to thwart his own kind and save Earth. Thousands have to die so that Romeo and Juliet can do anatomy. Huh? Well, it made sense to the screenwriter sitting at a keyboard in a dark room in front of a blank screen with a deadline to earn the rent money. 

As with its precursor the acting and staging are excellent, though honours must go to the Madman (Alexander Petrov) who steals the shows with his wild-eyed drooling.  He is so much more, well, alive than the reborn Romeo who remains tall, handsome, and wooden. 

Alexander Petrov

There are minor amusements in the observations on life. (1) Google is here but does not have a hospital scene this time.  (2) The determination of people to snap selfies even as they are hammered to bits by the alien force was another. (3) But the best one is the effort of Romeo to buy twenty two-litre bottles of mineral water from a supermarket.  He has money; he knows how to shop, but he is in a desperate hurry to save the world…with water. (Yes, I know but see the above aside about the screenwriter.)  He fills a shopping cart with the bottles and pushes to the front of the queue at the check out desk.  As the clerk scans the first one, he say there are ‘Twenty in all!’  and slaps down the rubles to cover the cost.  

But no, the clerk has to scan each bottle individually and so he frantically passes them up to her and then throws them back in the cart, waving off her efforts to bag them. When the total costs comes up he pushes the rubles at her.

But no, she first asks for his loyalty card. ‘What? No loyalty card? He can sign up right now, and get a 5% discount on this, his first purchase.’ She begins tapping on the screen and asking his name, address,….  

By now he is jumping out of his skin, as she waits for his response because….  (In this case it is more like a tree shedding bark, but I could not quite work that in.)  

He takes off, leaving the money, and pushing the cart out to the parking lot, where….  Is his mention of Orion a tribute to an earlier and excellent Soviet Sy Fy film, Orion’s Loop [1981], discussed elsewhere on this blog?

Had he filled out the form, he would two hours later have gotten a text asking him to rate his experience at the check out!  Even as the world burns, data that will never be used is collected.  Is this the superpower convergence I used to hear about from pundits? 

The room full of silent generals we see once or twice made me wonder who was invading Ukraine if all this brass was drinking tea.

Welt am Draht (1972) World on a Wire

Welt am Draht (1972) World on a Wire

IMDb meta-data is a runtime for two episodes of 1h 45m each, rated 7.7 by 7,100 cineastes.  

Genre: SyFy.

DNA: West Germany.

Verdict: Prophetic.

Tagline: Unique.

At a reception sponsored by a state research institute Hero, while casually talking to an old acquaintance, turns his head to follow the progress of an elegant woman across the room, and when he turns back an instant later Acquaintance is gone in mid-sentence. Poof! Nowhere to be seen in the crowded room.  Moreover, when Hero asks others about Acquaintance no one else admits to seeing him and others deny he exists. There is no one by that name in the institute or on the guest list.  Worse, later he cannot find any record of any kind of his existence. He has become a man who never was.

The institute has created and runs an elaborate social simulation in lifelike virtual reality transmitted onto screens throughout the room. Its purpose is to model and assess the impact and consequences of social practices, programs, procedures, and policies.  A few diehard SyFyians will have realised that the source is Neo’s favourite novel by Daniel Galouye Simulacron 3 (1964). In it one of the practices modelled is the banning of cigarette smoking.  As an echo of that, smoking is much in evidence in this film.

The simulated world is complete in every detail and its Sim inhabitants think that they are living beings, with the exception of a few spies from the Institute who monitor, evaluate, and report upward. Ours is the upper world. So we think. Beware hubris!

Hero pursues the acquaintance who was and then wasn’t there down into the simulated world and learns….   Quite a lot.  As always, Plato got there first as admitted by Hero. It is not often that Plato is mentioned in mass market entertainment.

It is a marvellous example of cinema, creating two worlds on a paltry budget. That is accomplished on, let us say, our surface world through the use of mirrors and glass in and through which images are fractured, reflected, reversed, all of which confuses the original with its images. The simulated world is shown mostly via flickering greyscale video on TV monitors, except when upper characters pass through the membrane of virtual reality to visit the Sims via headsets.  

Did Neo ever see this?  Bet he did.

It is far too long, and does seem to go round in circles at times, but well so be it.  Consider that to be the scenic route.  It certainly showcases its prescience about technology and its integration into society, though not the miniaturisation of electronics.  The computers involved in this story are monumental.  

Speaking of smoking, who can forget Hero lighting his cigarette using a Bic from a woman?  See it to believe it. Those troubled by A.I. today had better not watch this film.  Indeed, since 1972 it has seldom been seen.  I saw it at a foreign film night screening in Montréal in my grad student days with some pals, and found it, well, strange.  Then it disappeared. Only in the last decade has it been retrieved, remastered, and released. That is all to the good, but the subtitles were in such a small font I could not always read them in my home.  My efforts to adjust the size failed.  

It is of its time and place with heavy-handed sexism, and much masculine smoking and drinking. It also shows the director’s preoccupations. While the teutonic atmosphere is emphasised, it was in fact filmed in Paris, where the production costs at the time were much lower. There he meets Lemmy Caution!

It was one of the innumerable projects of that live-fast, die-young and leave an enormous body of work enfant terrible Rainer Fassbinder (1945-1982).  I also watched the Making of video on the DVD to learn more about Fassbinder.  What a prodigy.  

Thinking about all this brought to mind an Outer Limits episode, Demon with a Glass Hand (1964), which I will try to locate.

Huh?

Love (2011)

IMDb meta-data is a runtime 1h 24m, rated 5.4 by 9,100 cineastes. 

Genre: Sy Fy; Species: Incomprehensible.

DNA: USA.

Verdict: Huh?

 Tagline: Look, Ma, no … point.   

IMDb summary: ‘The year 2039. Captain Lee Miller is a lone astronaut stationed aboard the International Space Station. During downtime, he reads the journal of Captain Lee Briggs, a soldier during the American Civil War. Abruptly, contact with Earth goes dead and Miller is left alone aboard the space station.’ 

It seems men keep journals and women keep diaries. Let’s think about that some other time.

Ingenious and pointless, like the title.  

It opens with a long and puzzling Civil War battle (re-enactment) and then, gets even muddier. The date 4 June 1864 is specified, to no purpose it seemed within my attention span.  

Astronaut Robinson Crusoe marooned in space is a well worn trope, and every time I have seen it, starting with Robinson Crusoe on Mars (1964) it is, well … boring.  Without a doubt the prize for most boring instance to date within my ken goes to Magellan (2017), as discussed elsewhere on this blog. This one gets a dishonourable mention.