Meh

Absolutely Anything (2015)

IMDb meta-data is a runtime 1 hr and 25 m, rated 6.0 by 49,000 cinematizens. 


Genre: Sy Fy, sorta.


DNA: Brit Bruce Almighty. 


 Verdict: Absolute power bores absolutely. 


Tagline: More dog!


Blessed and cursed with absolute power by an astro-genie, Hero takes a long time to realise what is going on, and then fumbles the ball.  It is a frenetic race from one gag to another, and then to its undoing.  


There are pleasures, but they are few.  Loved the ice queen BBC book reviewer who hates books and never reads, but makes and breaks the careers of writers.  All too easy to believe.  


The talking dog was one joke that went on…far too long.  But for being loquacious there is too little of the dog, though it finally does save the day (and the world), but not the film.   


***


Rather think some of the players had stern words with the agents that committed them to this film.   


In this fluff our hero does not make a deal with the devil, he has absolute power conferred on him as a lab-rat test.  He sacrifices nothing for it, and gains little from it.  Ergo, what’s the point?  


For All I Care, not.

For All Mankind (2019)

IMDb meta-data is 41 episodes of app 48 m each, rated 8.1 by 70,000 cinemtizens.  


Genre: Alt History.


DNA: USA.


Verdict:  Right Stuff (1980) played by college boys.


Tagline:  On and on it goes where is stops, does anyone care?


The Russkies got to the Moon first, and it’s time to catch up and escalate.  N.B. I have watched only the first three episodes before getting bored.  


As a period piece it is well done, though I would have liked a lot more 1960s music. Maybe that’s just me.


All the historical faces are there from Walter Cronkite to the astronauts and their entourage.  So far the Soviets are The Other with a flag.   


There is some very clever use of Nixon’s Whitehouse tapes. Likewise the portrayal of Werner von Braun is certainly more lifelike than the drooling madman in the Dial of Destiny. On von Braun one might see Robert Harris’s V (discussed elsewhere on this blog, click on).    


I liked the hiatus from Armstrong and crew, but if there was an explanation that I heard, but, well, let’s say my attention was divided. But so far there is just too little about the scientific, technological, and engineering complexity of the problems each of which had never been done before.  Instead the real problems seems to be with family, with women, with political priorities, with macho rivalries, and so on.  I hasten to add the wives get their due in a way, but still the focus of the problems does not seem to be space flight, but each other.  The human drama, I guess the marketing department would say, but we don’t need space or the Moon for that.  


***


The acting is superb, though the writing and directing are uneven: some scenes are attenuated and others rushed and much is omitted in favour of alcohol and sex. There is too little on the everyday racism and sexism of the time, but perhaps that is coming in later episodes, though it seems unlikely to me that a black would have been inducted into the program at the time. 


I do like the story arc with the Mexican girl, but it is a frail reed to hang so much upon.  


***


I made the mistake of reading the semi-literate review on Roger ebert.com which included the following irritants with the quotation marks followed by my fulminations follow the – sign.  


‘random Russian’ – This man was first in a highly selective program, hardly a walk-in off the street. Nor is he unknown for he is named. In short he was not just anyone.


‘the film wonders how that would feel’  – first I’ve heard that film has feeling. I’ll be more considerate around it from now on. 


‘lofty ideas that are heavily considered’ – Heavily, man.


‘the highly renowned John Glenn’  – Doubt the author even knew who he was.


‘reoccuring’ – recurring is so much simpler. No doubt this writer also speaks of ‘myself,’ uses ‘orientate,’ and ….


‘the story seek(s) compassion’ – more reification (look it up) with the story at work. 


‘spreads its charisma thin’ – ditto. 


‘she has big reasons’ – little reasons never get any consideration. Is this sizeism? Woke up!


‘a striking reinforcement of the toxics masculinity’ – Huh? Plural?


It ranges from annoying to incomprehensible. Sounds like teenagers talking about it on the bus, which would perhaps please the author, but might insult the teenagers who are usually more cogent.

Forbidden Planet

The Forbidden Planet (1956) 

IMDb meta-data is 1 hour and 38 minutes, rated 7.5 by 53,000 cinematizens.

DNA: Of the time. 

Verdict: A Keeper.  

Tagline: Shakespeare did it. 

A crew lands (a spaceship) where they are not welcome to save survivors (who do not wish to be rescued).  They find the Tin man Robbie with the personalty of Ariel in the body of Caliban. Prospero is Mr Miniver, an icy but ever so polite host.  Honey West as Miranda is such stuff as dreams are made of.  (She had her last IMDb credit fifty years later.) 

Frank ‘Antonio’ Drebin (his last posthumous  credit in 2011) leads the merry crew including Bart Maverick, a cast of television regulars, and a painful comic relief who could and did better in other credits. They are all decked out in grey on gray garage mechanic boiler suits.    

Then they encounter Id, and Id gets ugly. Very. Marvellous son et lumière show.

Though the Krell are the premise, we never see them.  Yet they dominate everything.  

***

What a high risk investment this film must have been at the time. No big name actors, a B-movie genre, an invisible enemy, a psychoanalytic explanation, and the voice of J. Michael Anthony  from the Tin Man.  Conspicuously lacking is any Cold War resonance, which was a staple for Sy Fy of the time. Surprisingly Prospero is a philologist not a physicist.  Again inconsistent with the norms of 1950s Sy Fy, though the storyline was made to fit it. Nor was there a nuclear threat, rather the evil is within us…all!  

The local Dendy, with its eight screens, devoted one Saturday to a Sy Fy revival – May the 4th be with us.  About twenty films were cycled during the day from 10am onward and I chose this one, rather than the big ticket items in the larger theatres Blade Runner, Total Recall, and the Wraith of Khan. (I was tempted by the chance to see Ricardo Montalban’s pectorals again but passed.)  One film was enough for me, and I chose this one.

Forbidden Planet screened in theatre 7 upstairs in the back around the corner, seating sixty, and it was completely sold out. And not all were geriatrics.  Far too many of whom used their phone screens during the feature.  Such is our time.

Here is a curiosity: on You Tube is this film backwards.  Yep.  It runs backward from the credits, both the audio and video.  Yep.  Why, one might ask?  Good question to which there is no answer. 

Judging by the crowds from the Nerd Kingdom about the Dendy on my entry and exit, the day must have been a commercial success.  I can only imagine the work that went into corralling this collection of material.  

My thanks.

Milkshake?

Space Milkshake (2012) 

IMDb meta-data is a runtime of 1 hour and 25 minutes, rated 5.6 by 2012 cinemtizens.  

Genre: Sy Fy.

DNA: O’ Canada.

Verdict: Droll, irritating, amusing. 

Tagline: Beware the yellow rubber duck.

Dark Star Quark, Inc has the contract to collect near-earth space debris with its scow, the Regina, and a crew of four: Hobbit, Lana Lane, Mr Sulu, Major Carter, and that other guy.  I know that is five, but we never see but only hear Sulu because he is not a member of the crew.

Major Carter and Hobbit were an item, with no other alternatives, but now she wants someone taller.  New Boy (Five) comes straight from the Corner Gas school of acting, and bumbles around.  Lana keeps to herself, until….

Through their own inattention and incompetence they collect some trash that was…alive!  Not good.  Lana is the first to go, sort of.

There follows an hour of good natured confusion with a denouement.  Though the destruction of earth, inter-dimensional travel, the murder of Lana, artificial humans, and more are surfaced, none of these themes is developed. But the duck has its day!

Moreover, no one seems to mind that the android killed Lana.  Nor is there any explanation of the title.  

On the other hand it is so unpretentious that it is easy to like. No priestly voiceover to lecture the audience on its climate sins, no heroic posturing by a wannabe who isn’t waving a plastic gun, no boy genius with designer fuzz to save the day by adding 2+2….  It was not made to the Hollywood formula aimed at prepubescent boys with arrested development by prepubescent boys with arrested development.

It is compounded of a mixture of Star Gate, Star Trek, Quark, Dark Star, and, let us not forget Corner Gas.  

A Gallic binge

Subway (1985) with a runtime of 1h 44m, rated 6.5 by 16,000 cinematizens; Le doulos (1962): 1h 48n, rated 7.7 by 12,000; and Ascenseur pour l’échafaud (1958): 1h 31m rated 7.9 by 29,000.

When prowling around streaming outlets I came across these, one after another, during our Cronulla staycation. I watched them in this order.   

Subway has the frenetic energy and mordant wit that director Luc Besson’s films often have. It also has Isabelle Adjani melting the screen.  A tuxedoed thief on the run finds refuge in a Paris Metro station (Châtelet?) where he discovers he is not alone. The plot, which makes no sense, is an excuse for the to’ings and fro’ings.  This is another characteristic of Besson films.  It is all on the surface, but it is fun while it lasts.

Le doulos is Jean-Pierre Melville, the director, out-noiring American film noir. In contrast to Subway this is all serpentine plot. All the threads come together in a downward spiral. Each member of this ensemble is doomed. The moodiness and the movements are compelling in this seedy world of criminals where no one escapes fate.  

By some miracle of city planning there is always a parking place in Paris for the Yank Tanks these villains drive. The title is a slang word for an informer, someone who talks, tattles, through or behind his hat.   

But the best for last is Ascenseur pour l’échafaud, made when the director, Louis Malle, was a boy of twenty-six.  When most that age are making student films of 10 minutes, he directed this feature length masterpiece. Moreover, he did everything against expectations. The elegant, suave, and handsome Maurice Ronet is a reptilian villain, while up and comer Jeanne Moreau is a luminous fallen angel. The close-ups of each of them are unsparing. Sometimes against black backgrounds the characters seem like puppets, and perhaps that is what they are.  Compelled by their own instincts, and unable to control themselves, each, in a different way, is driven to a bad end, along with a pair of innocent bystanders, who are not so innocent by the time the film ends.  

The tension and drama are all the more remarkable because so much of the screen time is confined to an elevator car.  

Moreover, there is a perfect soundtrack from Miles Davis that sets the mood in the middle.  

Did Malle read Somerset Maugham’s Of Human Bondage; it would seem so. 

Go boom!

Krakatit(e) (1948)

IMDb meta-data is 1 hour and 34 minutes, rated 7.3 by 42 cinematizens.  

DNA: Czechoslovak.

Genre: Sy Fy.

Tagline: Boom!

Verdict:  Hard to find but well worth the effort.

 A conscience stricken scientist lies in a coma as he recalls in nightmares his discovery of a powder with the explosive force of the volcano Krakatoa.  The story was published by Karel Ćapek in 1938.  

The cinematography is inventive and at one point our anti-hero watches on screen his own vain efforts to control his invention.  There is a mystery woman who appears and disappears like a dream.  Then there is an American agent (named Oppenheimer [just kidding]) who wants the formula.  In between is a jealous and unscrupulous colleague whom we know is not to be trusted since he does not return library books when they are due. What a rat!  

Relentlessly downbeat. Our scientist is doomed after an explosion of the Big K poisoned him and lies dying while the jumble of his thoughts retraces the steps (some real, others illusory) that brought him to his deathbed.

There are a number of remarkable scenes as his delirium is played out:

  • the wax works aristocrats in museum poses
  • the menacing D’Hémon with the satanic eyebrows
  • his mini-Krakatoa of sex 
  • the melting face of the femme fatale 
  • the police in German uniforms like ghosts
  • the assembly of beer hall hooligans in furs and diamonds.  
  • the grasping of krakatit from a dead body
  • most of all is the anxiety and torment of the scientist who is eating himself up with guilt

Uchû daisensô 

Battle in Outer Space (1959) Uchû daisensô 

IMDb meta-data is a runtime of 1 hour and 30 minutes, rated 5.7 by 1,500 cinematizens

DNA: Japan.

Verdict: Shoot ‘em up! We’re good at that. [Indeed.]

Tagline: The Munchkins are coming! 

No sooner did the Mysterians leave in 1957 than the Munchkins arrived in 1959, setting up a military base on our Moon!  While the Mysterians said they went to Pearl Harbor in peace, these Munchkins skip the soft soap and get right to the zap. Peace is for wimps. They came to conquer.  

It takes one to know one and in response the world Co-Prosperity Sphere unites behind Japan to battle the Munchkins, repeatedly for at least two-thirds of the runtime. Where would we be without the peace-loving Japanese to blow things up? 

In a favourite ploy of cheapskate invaders, the Munchkins exercise mind control over a couple of key individuals to save on make up.  These zombies go around looking vacant when turning off valves that would save the world. Some plumbers they are!

The budget went on models to create effects, and these are very well done. Better even than Gerry Anderson’s toys.  Albeit, the moon buggies looks too much like Oscar Meyer Weinermobiles to take seriously. 

The story has parallels with The Earth versus Flying Saucers of 1956 but even less character development.  There are also reflections of it in the space battles of Star Wars.  

Nandor Fodor and the Talking Mongoose (2023)

IMDb meta-data is a runtime of 1 hour and 36 minutes, rated 5.4 by 1701 cinematizens.

Genre: MysteryCom.

DNA: Isle of Man.

Verdict: Oh hum. 

Tagline: Oh hum.

With the sledgehammer subtlety of Hollywood the opening scene lays out the film.  Reality is what you believe it is.  Welcome to Fox News and Magaland. 

However it takes another 90 minutes to confirm that thesis. Dr Nandor Fodor (1895-1964), who by the way did exist and made a career of debunking the mysticism of the time, gets drawn into conversation with an illegal Asian immigrant mongoose.  (You read that right.)

On the plus side of the ledger, the acting is fine, the cinematography of the Isle of Man is scrumptious, and the valedictory presence of Dr Emmett Brown is charming.  

On the debt side the story is an empty shell. The syllable ‘Com’ is used above because ‘comedy’ is attributed to it on the IMDb but I did not notice any of it myself.  

I watched it thinking Simon Pegg is a clever writer himself and any project with his touch would be fun. WRONG!  

Dead Men

Dead Men don’t Wear Plaid (1982) Les cadavres ne portent pas de comstard

IMDb meta-data is runtime of 1 hour and 28 minutes, rated 6.8 by 23,000 cinematizens. 

Genre: Comedy Noir.

Verdict: One of a kind. 

Tagline: ‘You do know how to dial, don’t you?’   

It all started when she walked into his life, well, in fact she fell into his arms at seeing the headline on the newspaper he was reading: ‘The Dodgers lose again!’  Dem bums! 

Thus begins the Tec’s search for the frenemies of his favourite brunette, Carlotta.  Along the way he enlists Marlowe as a legman, whose motto is ‘Guns don’t kill but love does.’  He also issues the title line.  [No spoiler.]

Partly parody, mostly homage to US film noir of the post-World War II era, as the bumbling Tec follows the trail, none too coherently, meeting, in addition to Humphrey Bogart’s Marlowe, Cary Grant, Alan Ladd, Barbara Stanwick, Bette Davis, Lana Turner, and more in some brilliant cutting.  

When all the fun is done, the closing dedication is the golden touch because it is to all the invisible talents who put the noir into noir, the cinematographers, the camera men, focus pullers, the composers, the musicians, the prop men, the designers, the set builders, the costumers, the audio engineers, and so on.  They put the magic on the screen where it has stayed since.  

I had forgotten how much I liked this movie until I watched it again.  

Surprise(d)?

(T)Raumschiff Surprise – Periode 1 (2004)

IMDb meta-data is runtime of 1 hour and 27 minutes, rated 5.5 by 16,000 cinematizens.

Genre: Sy Fy.

DNA: German.

Verdict:  Crass but fun, in (a few) parts.

Tagline: Move over, Benny Hill.  

‘When the Earth is in peril, who are you going to call?’  Certainly not the (Enter)Surprise.  But well, who else can be sacrificed to the cause?

Nothing works on the good starship Surprise, including the crew, of Groans, Snotty, Smirk, and Captain Kork. The Martians are about to conquer Earth when this crew intervenes, along with the interstellar cab driver who delivered them, because the Captain refused to be beamed Economy class and he didn’t have enough Space Cadet points to upgrade to Business. In extremis the secret and untested weapon is deployed: the time travel sofa!  Sit on it and time passes? Yes, but in which direction?

It takes them three tries to get the right year, leaving behind chaos here and there in a medieval court, in the wild west, and finally Area 51, which is not next door to Area 50!  

The humour entertained the Fraternity Brothers, who have an inflatable Benny Hill doll in their room.  (Don’t ask.)

On the good side, it would be banned in Florida, and there are some good lines.  

When languishing in the slammer, the big handsome taxi driver confesses to another prisoner his failures with women, saying that to please his ex-wife he learned to dance, to play the piano, and to smile at her parents.  Whew!  Yet she still divorced him and took everything, leaving him to eat, sleep, and work in the cab.  Ah, says the other prisoner, leaning close, there are words that will set every woman’s heart ablaze, my friend. ‘What? What!’ asks the stud. ‘Let’s go shopping!’  Sure enough, next chance he gets, the stud tries these magic words, and [censored].  

One hopes there is no Periode 2.  But per the IMDb it was a smash hit in its heimat