Surprise(d)?

(T)Raumschiff Surprise – Periode 1 (2004)

IMDb meta-data is runtime of 1 hour and 27 minutes, rated 5.5 by 16,000 cinematizens.

Genre: Sy Fy.

DNA: German.

Verdict:  Crass but fun, in (a few) parts.

Tagline: Move over, Benny Hill.  

‘When the Earth is in peril, who are you going to call?’  Certainly not the (Enter)Surprise.  But well, who else can be sacrificed to the cause?

Nothing works on the good starship Surprise, including the crew, of Groans, Snotty, Smirk, and Captain Kork. The Martians are about to conquer Earth when this crew intervenes, along with the interstellar cab driver who delivered them, because the Captain refused to be beamed Economy class and he didn’t have enough Space Cadet points to upgrade to Business. In extremis the secret and untested weapon is deployed: the time travel sofa!  Sit on it and time passes? Yes, but in which direction?

It takes them three tries to get the right year, leaving behind chaos here and there in a medieval court, in the wild west, and finally Area 51, which is not next door to Area 50!  

The humour entertained the Fraternity Brothers, who have an inflatable Benny Hill doll in their room.  (Don’t ask.)

On the good side, it would be banned in Florida, and there are some good lines.  

When languishing in the slammer, the big handsome taxi driver confesses to another prisoner his failures with women, saying that to please his ex-wife he learned to dance, to play the piano, and to smile at her parents.  Whew!  Yet she still divorced him and took everything, leaving him to eat, sleep, and work in the cab.  Ah, says the other prisoner, leaning close, there are words that will set every woman’s heart ablaze, my friend. ‘What? What!’ asks the stud. ‘Let’s go shopping!’  Sure enough, next chance he gets, the stud tries these magic words, and [censored].  

One hopes there is no Periode 2.  But per the IMDb it was a smash hit in its heimat

That is Broome, not broom.

The Widows of Broome (1950) by Arthur Upfield.

GoodReads meta-data is 256 pages rated 4.07 by 388 litizens. 

Genre: krimi.

Verdict: a slow start but a fast finish.

Tagline: Bony to the rescue!

Broome, WA (population 800) of 1950, once the capital of the pearl industry, has not yet recovered from the war years, but it is peaceful and stable until… Murder!

Two widows are strangled one after another over a fortnight.  No one seems much bothered though a considerable point is made that both were attractive women.  Had they not been attractive, perhaps there would have been no investigation at all.  What investigation is there?  The local plod, noble chaps to a man, cannot both keep their pencils sharpened for inspection and find the wily culprit who failed to leave finger prints, a calling card, or a self-addressed stamped envelope. Perth homicide detectives fly in to irritate and annoy everyone, but fail to scapegoat a local aborigine or Asian: A strange omission for this time and place. 

Pearling is a dangerous business, the Japanese bombed Broome, and many men went to war.  Consequently, there are other widows in Broome who may be in peril.  Their fears are barely noticed by plod who seems more focussed on a some cattle that have gone missing.  Finding a murderer is just too hard. 

There’s only one thing for it! Bony!  That is, Inspector Napoleon Bonaparte (whose name is never explained) arrives incognito.  As if!  In his three-piece suit, with theatrical manners, dark skin, Siberian husky blue eyes, and superior attitude, he is dead obvious to one and all, who politely feign ignorance to humour his colossal ego. He soon finds his only intellectual equal in the environs is the town drunk. (Really.) These two form a partnership of sorts. The drunk, being furniture, is never noticed by the locals but, since he sleeps most nights on a bench in the street, he sees and hears much which he passes onto Bony who in return supports his alcoholism.

Broome of the time is described by the numbers, not with the imagery that Upfield sometimes conjures. But in the last third, when most of the scene is nocturnal in the bushes, Upfield is at his best in making the time of night, the place, and expectation all characters in the drama. The book is a time capsule of the attitudes, mores, and opinions of the day about women, children, religion, aboriginal, Asians, alcohol, manly men, effete intellectuals, and more. Take that or leave it. 

When he started writing the Bony books, Upfield was travelling around Australia in a caravan working as a Jackeroo by day and typing his stories by kerosine lamp by night. His descriptions of many of these places, and the people who live there, are sometimes compelling, as is about the last third of this tale.  

This is number thirteen in a series that started in 1928 and ended in 1966 to a total of nearly thirty. They are set wherever he parked that caravan.

Homework for our forthcoming trip to the Kimberley Coast.

Orders

Les ordres (1974) Orders

IMDb meta-data is runtime of 1 hour and 49 minutes, rated 8.1 by 1,100 cinematizens.

Genre: docudrama. 

DNA: Québécois. 

Verdict: Disquieting.

Tagline: Why?

‘The October Crisis of 1970,’ seen through the eyes of five innocent by-standers who were caught in the tsunami response: one is a union shop steward, his stay-at-home wife, a single father on the dole with custody of two small children, a woman university student, and a male doctor from a health clinic, three men and two women. They along with 500 others were seized and incarcerated without warrant, explanation, trial, or common courtesy: hand cuffed, stripped, strip-searched including ahem…, and verbally and physically abused as they were imprisoned. No indignity was omitted. As far as the police and warders knew, these were dangerous and violent extremists, despite their appearance.  

The details of induction into life in jail are many, and hard to watch, especially knowing that none of the five had anything to do with the events. (Nor did any of the others in the five hundred.) The only thing they have in common was being Québécois, but then so are their jailers.  

While the presentation is low-key and matter of fact, it cannot but remind viewers of Germans rounding up Jews or Latin American dictators sweeping up real or imagined enemies for one-way trips.  They were processed in the underground carpark of football stadium in that best South American style.

It can’t happen (t)here! But it did, and it might again. 

Notice the weapon at the ready.

Their homes were torn apart in the search for… no one seems to know what, and that ignorance made the searches even more furious and destructive, while young children were left without a parent as the police hauled away mom or dad.  ‘Not our problem,’ says one officer.  (Neighbours stepped in.)

The five were held from six to twenty days, and put under conspicuous surveillance after release. None of the 500 were charged with anything to do with the kidnapping and murder of the October Crisis.  Though the extra-legal searches did turn up evidence of other crimes, like unpaid traffic tickets, overdue library books, marijuana stashes, and other such high crimes. ‘Apprended insurrection’ not!  Those were the legal magic words used to justify the imposition of martial lawlessness.

The question is why these five and these five hundred?  What list(s) were they on?  The film gives no answer. 

There are extensive entries on the Crisis in the Canadian Encyclopaedia, but these are carefully bland, offering no insight into that question. The literature I could identify concerns the big picture and not these human faces.  

Those handcuffed and bundled away often asked: ‘Why me?’  On the rare occasions when they were answered the response was: ‘Les ordres.’  Makes you wonder whether your own name is on someone’s list.   

The direction and acting are low key throughout, and the telling measured and mesmerising.  It is more a documentary than a drama in presentation.

Sssh, listen to that star!

Whispering Star (2015) Hiso hiso boshi

Runtime of 1 hour and 40 minutes rated 6.5 by 1244 cinematizens

Genre: Sy Fy.

DNA: Japan.

Verdict: Museum pace.

Tagline: all trip, no arrival.

The inside story of UPS (Space Parcel Service) as the android operator traverses the universe to deliver cardboard boxes to the widely dispersed, few remaining human beings in the galaxy.   

The SPS van looks like a humble cottage outside and inside, except for the rocket motors, and the computer guidance system which froths at speaker on bad days. Imagine that, a rocket ship with a leaking faucet, and a moth trapped in the cover diffuser on a neon tube ceiling light.

Space is vast and empty and the deliveries take years. Many wonderful images of the cosmos. 

Strange since Amazon teleportation takes seconds but some people prefer this archaic method of dispatch. The android has a daily routine of cleaning and recording a log. We see this repeatedly. (Hint.) 

When not changing her AA batteries, the Droid does peek in some of the boxes (which are unsealed such is the trust in androids), perhaps wondering, if androids are curious, what could be so special or important as to warrant a ten-year delivery by hand. Only the most mundane objects are revealed: a hat, a pencil, a strip of film with banal images on it, a feather, one wood screw, a blank scrap of paper….   Upon arrival recipients are blasé about the decade long delivery, except for one whose reaction we see through a paper wall like a shadow puppet play. Marvellously done.  

Most of the outdoor footage was shot in the forbidden zone of Fukushima and looks it.  That reference will remind alert cinematizens of Andrei Tarkovsky (sorry about that), and yes on this point there is a resemblance to his Stalker (1979). But I found his palpable contempt for both audience and subject matter distasteful, whereas this treatment was restrained and presented its subjects with respect, even deference. This filmmaker did not watermark the film with a sneer like Tarkovsky.

Black-and-white with a minimal soundtrack. There are one or two shots of colour and a brief stretch of string music in one instance.  

Having said that, it still does not make much sense to me, but perhaps to thee. One review I read went on about Plato’s allegory of the cave, for no good reason that I could fathom.

Dans une galaxie près chez vous 2

Dans une galaxie près chez vous 2 (2008)

IMDb meta-data is a runtime of 1 hour and 40 minutes, rated 6.5 by 619 hopheads.  

Genre: Sy Fy.

DNA: Québécois.

Verdict: La même équipe, les mêmes blagues.  

Tagline: The second time is not even farce. 

It is 2040 and a desperate Earth, dying of its sins, turns to most puissant nation, le Canada, for salvation. Yes, things are so bad that Canada looks good.

The mission is to find an uninhabited but habitable planet for Earth’s ever decreasing population. With Les Canadiens uniforms, in ice hockey formation this is the crew for the job. Again.  

There are disquieting rumours that a ‘3’ will be made, if viewers show any interest. ‘Hands down, everyone!’

Feed the man meat!

The Big Meat Eater (1982)

IMDb meta-data is a runtime is 1 hour 22 minutes, rated 5.2 by 398 friends and family.  

DNA: Canada

Genre: Sy Fy.

Tagline: The best of the lot.

Verdict: Your tax dollars at work.  

A small town butcher in the Ottawa River valley has a shop built on a fuel source for an alien space ship.  To get at the fuel the aliens slowly (very) and subtlety (not) take over the town to get at the fuel.  

Sounds better than it is.  It is a bit of this, some of that, and less and less.  

The butcher’s slogan is ‘Pleased to meet you. Meat to please you.’  That is the only smile I got in the runtime.

Funded by Telefilm Canada, like Music of the Spheres reviewed elsewhere on this blog. Certainly no private investor would have bought this pitch. But a public service committee under pressure to spend the money or lose it did. Just think:  the proposal for this film must have been the  better than others on the table.  Think about that. Wisely, on its website Telefilm Canada does not list the projects it has funded.  

Lisbon 1938

Pereira Maintains (1994) by Antonio Tabucchi

Good Reads meta-data is 196 pages, rated 4.18 by 27,893 litizens.

Genre: Fiction.

DNA: Portugal.

Verdict: Pereira maintains.  

Tagline: What did Pereira do?  What will Pereira do?

It is the high summer in the Lisbon of 1938 Dr Pereira, editor of a minor literary page on a minor weekly newspaper, plods though life, obese, a widower, inward-looking, and slowly repeating each day the day before when by accident he comes across two young idealists out to save the world. 

Surprising himself, Pereira helps them with some small change, and then a few escudos, then a few more, and then shelters one of them, well two, because, from the shadows, a third emerges. Little by little he does more and more for them. 

It is neither a good time nor a good place to take even little chances.  Salazar’s regime is determined not to offend the great powers, starting with neighbour frenemy Spain then tearing itself apart in a savage civil war, nor the distant giant Germany still less Portugal’s historic ally Great Britain. To walk a fine line among these traps, the regime has given free rein to the Polícia Internacional e de Defies do Estado (PIDE), which encourages denunciations of anyone and everyone, and sure enough and soon enough Pereira is reported by a concierge who found his last Christmas tip inadequate, perhaps, thinking a new tenant would tip more.  Those young people hiding in his flat are exposed.   

The situation goes from bad to worse, but unlike most others, Pereira has a life boat. His night job has been translating French literature into Portuguese and this means he speaks French and has connections in France, so he packs a bag and scoots. Yes, we know this haven will not long be safe, but it is enough at the time.

Antonio Tabucchi

Pereira’s lonely and morbid day-to-day life in the scorching heat of day and the suffocating heat of night is well portrayed in short chapters with limpid prose. It brings to life something of the Lisbon we visited a few years ago.  

It is written almost as the confession of a crime: Intriguing, kind of a reverse krimi, as Pereira confesses how he came gradually to commit the crimes he did against the regime without ever quite intending to do so.    

—-

Night is vast

The Vast of the Night (2019).

IMDb meta-data is a run time of 1 hour and 31 minutes, rated 6.7 by 43,000 cinematizens. 

Genre: Sy Fy.

DNA: Roswell.

Verdict: A fresh twist on an old story. 

Tagline: Watch the sky!

At a small crossroads town in New Mexico strange things are happening but most people don’t notice because they’re in the high school gym to watch the opening game of the basketball season against ArchRivals.  Everyone, that is, except the all-night DJ on the local radio station and the high school girl who runs the town telephone switchboard until midnight.

This is the mid-1950s when only radio and telephone connected this remote town to the wider world.  

This radio guy and this high school girl are both nerds and well aware of the fact that their jobs set them apart from others.  Each sees the current alienation as an investment in bigger things to come. He aspires to a career in radio, elsewhere.  She saves money to go away to college.  

Establishing these backstories is done effortlessly but slowly, taking too much time on the clock. This Act I must take about 30 minutes.   

Then, while alone at the little switchboard, she finds calls dropping out. Repeatedly. (I blamed Telecom!) Being of curious mind she starts monitoring calls and hears a strange sort of static before the drop. Being a nerd she happens to have a tape recorder (the size of a suitcase) at hand and records the static.

Since anyone she might ask about the static, like the day shift telephone operator, is at the game, she calls the radio station to consult the DJ and plays the static on the phone for him. ’Well, that is odd,’ is radio guy’s reaction. It is call-in radio and he gets a long meandering call about strange things from Bill. Then another from Mabel. (These two must be weirdos if they are not at the game, along with those callers whose connections were dropped.) Both Bill and Mabel, unbeknownst to each other, have each been long ostracised for their separate and independent reports of strange things, and welcome the chance to talk about their experiences. Radio guy and phone girl are good listeners.  Much is hinted at but little is spoken. The hint is ‘Watch the Sky.’ This is Act II. 

Pedants corner.  Why he is not broadcasting the big game is anyone’s guess.  

In Act III they rush around a lot, though I could not quite fathom why and she fetches a baby to carry around. Then they have their close encounter. 

A great effort has gone into capturing the 1950’s with two-toned chromed, tail finned, and whitewall-tired cars, saddle shoes, cat’s-eye spectacles, poodle skirts, pocket protectors, yet the radio station has a ‘W’ call sign. ‘Impossible in New Mexico,’ cried the Fraternity Brothers. ‘West of the Mississippi was always “K.”’ But wait, WOTW might stand for the World of the Worlds radio broadcast.  Belay that quibble.    

Absent is the Red paranoia so palpable in those years.  Bill and Mabel would have been suspected by some convoluted reasoning of being reds under their own beds.    

Many of the lauding reviews focus on the technical aspects of camera work, length of takes, and other film school criteria that mean nothing to a viewer: me.  What I want is a story and some characters to get to know. These characters remain distant from the viewer, I found, despite the close-ups. Oh hum.   

Pick, pick, pick…even so, as it is, it is a far better thing than Asteroid City (2023) for all its millions.  

For those who must know, the division between “W” and “K” for radio call signs was made as that medium expanded greatly in the 1930s. Prior to that “W” was the norm. When this regulation was introduced, stations west of the Mississippi that had used “W” were given the option to retain that heritage. Some did, others switched to “K.” Satisfied?

It has spawned a Podcast Series for the stans.  

The Dial of Destiny (2023)

The Dial of Destiny (2023)

IMDb meta-data is a runtime of 2 hours and 34 minutes (Whew!), rated by 6.6 by 137,000 cinematizens. 

Genre: Indy.

DNA: adventure with a body count.

Verdict: Nostalgia.

Tagline: You never know when Doric Greek will come in handy.

It starts with a bang and then ramps up!  Among the exotic locales like the Bronx, Mid-Town, the Alps, Tangiers, Casablanca, insular Syracuse, and more. There is some superb acting from the three leads (and briefly from the hotel bellman and the Greek sponge fisherman) nearly lost in the rush. 

Most of the action is comic book, but fun anyway.  

Mads is a mutant Werner von Braun with a couple of Bama good ole boys licensed for mayhem. I found the plot hard to follow with the man on crutches who seemed to have wandered in from another film. I cringed at the early classroom scene which was all too realistic.  (Though wheeling in a television screen was not.  It could not be on, but had to be unplugged and plugged in, turned off and turned on, and the tuned in without a rooftop antenna.)  

The meeting of the time travellers is superbly played. 

It is way too long, but well, it’s Indy and he has earned some tolerance, true, but no, not this much.  

Pedant’s corner. There are many liberties with history, despite the considerable effort at verisimilitude. The German 2-cm anti-aircraft cannon was not a Bohors pom-pom gun. In August of 1939 there was no V-rocket program.  Then there is all the falderal about the tomb of Archimedes, which does not exist, and probably never did.   

Warning from Space (1954)

Warning from Space (1954) Uchûjin Tôkyô ni arawaru

IMDb meta-data is a runtime of 1 hour and 27 minutes, rated 4.7 by 1,200 cinematizens.

Genre: Sy Fy.

DNA: Japan.

Verdict: Faster then.  

Tagline: The End is Nigh. (See above.)

Instead of using WhatsAPP the aliens arrive in person to deliver the bad news — The end of the world is coming. Arriving straight from a costume party, each alien is dressed in kites that give them the shape of starfish. This look puts the Japanese they meet off sushi. A national crisis follows.  

These aliens have a Plan Nine and keep trying to warn humanity that a catastrophe looms. However, most of humanity is busy killing each over which end of an egg to break first, the big or little end.  Both sides claim a divine commandment. This religious conflict over eggs is more important than planetary destruction. This latter part certainly seems realistic, an endless, bloody war over nothing.  

The aliens come from a planet in the Solar System we never see because it always behind the Sun in a mirror orbit. That trope has been used in several other films. like Journey to the Far Side of the Sun (1959) and Another Earth (2011). (Ahem, anyone who did high school science knows that a concealed counter-orbit makes no sense. ‘Gravity, Baby.’ Gravity would reveal another planet’s existence. Got that?)  

Aliens in conference.

Japan is once again victimised by both the aliens and the rest of the world, but it perseveres, and finally there is global unity long enough to set all clocks to Tokyo standard time, and fire a barrage of missiles at the threat. Others have also dealt with this threat: When Worlds Collide (1951), The Day the Sky Exploded (1958), Meteor (1979), and Armageddon (1988). So far their combined efforts have been enough.  

Whew.  There follows another lecture on world peace, a mere nine years after the blood soaked epoch 1937-1945 led by Japan, then as now a victim.  As if.