I’m Sorry I am Late (I Didn’t Want to Come (2019) by Jessica Pan

GoodReads meta-data is 383 pages and it is rated 4.06 by 1246 litizens.

Genre: Chick Non-fic

Verdict: A cackle! Then a bore.  

Executive Summary:  Dedicated introvert bites the bagel and tries to live as an extrovert for one year.  Disasters follow.  

Long Summary:  Self-diagnosed Shintrovert* (shy + introvert) goes all out to be a self-confident extrovert and talk to anyone and everyone on the street, on the bus, in the supermarket, in London. London!  That was bound to fail.  Luckily she was not charged with numerous violations of civil code of mutual indifference that rules Britannia. 

The phrase in the title ‘Sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come’ is her main social gambit.  Maybe that explains a few things right there.  She seeks professional help from a variety of consultants, while using friend apps.  Do such things exist?  Yes, they do.  Both the consultants and the apps are real.

The social media apps match isolated loners with other isolated loners, although neither of them admits to it, with a view to a meeting.  Some of these meetings consist of awkward silences, others are trips to a film where nothing can be said.  Progress on extroversion scale: 0.  

The consultants are varied, one teaches her to be charismatic by smiling, nodding, and offering a firm handshake.  Was that Hitler’s method?  Gandhi’s?  Now we know.  Others heckle her to thicken the social skin.  Both get paid.  Another listens to her talk and then gets paid.  [No comment.]

She also reads the abstracts of social psychology journals to lard footnotes through the pages. Cargo cult: If is is in print, then it must be true, right?  Check out Pox News for the latest on that.  

I did keep flicking the pages but it got so-o-o-o repetitive.  It is like far too many clever pieces published in the New Yorker magazine that are then puffed up into a book.  Emphasis on puff.  At sixty pages it was an amusing ride, at 383 (!) it was as tedious as a continuous family get together for Thanksgiving that lasted a year (with no survivors.)  It went on and on for no other reason than to go on and on than to tear pages off the calendar. 

Alright already, I know that many readers take it seriously as a psychological self-help guide, but you don’t have to be sick to laugh out loud, and I did.  As usual the legion of GoodReads reviews are therapy for the writers and uninformative for the reader.  Par for that course. 

*Shouldn’t that then be ‘shy-introvert?’Autocorrect objects to both versions so nothing to choose there.