My Alien Girlfriend (2019).
IMDb meta-data is 1 hour and 12 minutes of treacle time, rated 5.2 by 142 members of the cast and crew.
Genre: SyFy and Boredom.
Verdict: 5.2! Reverse that to 2.5.
Every porker’s wet dream comes to the screen when Porky finds beautiful alien woman in his home, but he fails to make the best of the situation. She comes to her senses and leaves. No less than three women way out of Porky’s league are after his ample dimensions. Psst, he must signing the pay chicks. (The fraternity brothers insisted on that one.)
Bleaders know that my dedication to the Sy Fy cinemology is so great that I watch unwatchable films to the end, albeit with one eye and one ear. Evidence of this claim is that I watched Phobe: The Xenophobic Experiments (1995) to the bitter end. Few, indeed, can or would admit that. See the comments on that celluloid elsewhere on this blog. I persist sometimes to see if that level of stupidity can be maintained, and it usually is. But this time I met my match. I could not go on so I FF-ed to the end, and even that was boring.
I seldom watch contemporary Sy Fy because it substitutes cheap CGI for plot, story, character, interest, awe, wonder, and substituting an omniscient conspiracy for a plot. Two cases in point are Picard (2020+) and The Orville (2017). Trying to watch the above title served to confirm that conviction, though it lacked even CGIs.
Not even Don Dohler has even reach quite this low. Wait, no, I think the award for worst remains with Don Dohler. One watches the Don’s works all the way to the end to see if the enthusiastic incompetence can be sustained the whole time, and he never lets one down on that score. If you don’t know Don’s oeuvre, keep it that way. His films make those of Larry Buchanan look good, well, maybe not good, but not as bad.
Back to the film under review, I breached my rule when the Mechanical Turk suggested it, because I noticed it was produced by New Zealand Son Films, and, being literal minded, I thought it had something to do with Kiwiland from whence has come some very diverting and amusing cinema. Wrong. A very big wrong. This movie has nothing to do with New Zealand and New Zealand can be glad of that. (For those who do not know what a ‘Mechanical Turk’ is: tough.)
The production company has fourteen titles listed on IMDb. The thumbnail tags indicate a similar motif in several of them: Porky is confronted by a beautiful woman, more often than not naked. He must sign lot of chicks, checks, and cheques. Needless to say the fraternity brothers have ordered the entire set.