Army of Darkness

Army of Darkness (1992)

IMDb meta-data is a runtime of 1 hour and 21 minutes, rated 7.4 by 176,000 cinematizens.

Genre: Bruce Campbell.

Verdict: CGI.

The ever droll Mr Campbell puts his foot in it and finds himself in 1300 A.D, with endless stream of CGI undead skeletons.  He goes on a quest to find the incantation that will return him to Homewares at K-Mart.  It sounds crazy, because it is, but Campbell is a force of celluloid and he battles on. Yes, he is A Detroit Yankee in King Arthur’s Court with a chainsaw and a 1978 Pontiac DeVille. 

The incantation turns out to be Klaatu barade niko.  (You either get it, or you don’t. No explanations.)

My attention wandered as The Bruce – Hail to the Chin – with teeth chemically whitened and muscles gym buffed battled CGIs, but the wit, energy, and pace kept me in contact with it.  Just barely.  

Bruce has continued his struggles with the CGI dead undead in a gaggle of other similar extravaganzas so that a New York Times reviewer suggested he had become himself a genre.  I liked that, so I used it above. This one of his films shows the many hands of the Raimi family – I counted three – who produced, directed, and played in it. The Bruce genre with the Raimi touch has also sired at least two television series.  

Even more entertaining is a 12.28-minute interview with him on Reddit Ask Me Anything.  Find it on YouTube.

Sheila McLeod, Xanthe and the Robots

Sheila McLeod, Xanthe and the Robots (1977).

GoodReads meta-data is 240 pages rated 3.31 by 16 litizens.

Genre: Sy Fy.

Verdict: Seminar. 

At an isolated but relaxed research institution Philophrenic robots are in development.  Pragmapractor robots are extensively used for simple and repetitive tasks, like telling people to brush their teeth.  (Joke.)  But the Philophrenics have much more complex programming and, perhaps, even emotions.  Xanthe is one of the programers and the story is told from her perspective.  

Xanthe is an only child, an introvert, solitary, obsessive, creative, and likes things that way.  Xeno the director of the institute saddles her with an assistant, despite her objections, and he becomes a source of tension.  While Xanthe swallows the libido-blocking tablets each day, the better to concentrate entirely on her work 18-hours a day, ….  But the reader knows that Daiman, the unwanted assistant, will overcome that chemical barrier.  There is no other reason for him to be there.

The Philophrenics are programmed in the humanities not science or engineering. Thus they know the works of Ibsen, Melville, Brownings, Byron, and prove it by spouting quotations. Each has a programmer whose personality shapes the bot, though it is not supposed to do so. 

Only half-way through the book does the reader learn that beyond the Institute’s walls the world is disintegrating into chaos, although it seems a polite sort of chaos compared to the kind the Republican Party creates these days.  Meanwhile, the Philophrenic robots develop wills of their own and demand autonomy which is conceded.  However no sooner do the Philophrenics take over than the Pragmapractors go on strike. It seems that they do not wish to take orders from other robots.  (At this point I expected Jim Kirk to appear and talk the robots to death in the great Star Trek tradition of low budget endings.)

The Philophrenics we learn in a sotto voce narrative from Xanthe were supposed to be perfected humanity, creatures of reason and knowledge, untainted by the weakness of the flesh.  Like the Pragmapractors, the Philophrenics are sexless, though there are anticipations that the latter may come to demand sex in order to more closely approximate human beings. Remember Mr Data or the Tin Man?  Try as the members of the Institute might, the robots cannot be any more perfect than the humans who program them, and we see early on the personality of programmer is reflected in the robot.  (It seems one programmer works on/with one robot.)

The Philophrenics seems poorly suited for the autonomy they demand since they are totally imbued with literature, and nothing else.  When granted freedom to create their own names they invariably choose the name of a literary character, and when they are also allowed to dress themselves (having theretofore worn coveralls or kaftans) they choose period clothing for the name they have chosen.  Do we detect a lack of imagination here?  (By the way, how such clothing is produced is off stage.) but then why are they clothed at all? 

Aside: the only other time clothing is mentioned it is used to indicate exasperation when Xanthe notes that Xeno’s necktie is at half mast. We are spared the detailed and pointless description of clothing that pads out so much genre fiction. Nor are meals described and decor detailed. Finally, there is no description of the robots, except that they are made in our image.  

All the programmers have code names and that is never explained within my attention span.

Once autonomous, the bots rapidly set about making all too human errors by dividing into hostile groups, going on ego trips, lolling around….  Meanwhile, Daiman and Xanthe become, as long predicted, a couple while the Institute disintegrates around them.  The conflict between the Pragmapractors and Philophrenics turns violent with the humans in between, not quite trusted by either camp, but trusted more than the other camp.  

In the end Daiman and Xanthe leave the shelter of the Institute to brave the misery of real world. That last phrase was not used but it seems right.

About midway there are explicit references to the laws built into bots but Asimov is not named.  

The verdict above, ‘Seminar,’ indicates how wordy the text is.  Every character is articulate and there are pages and pages of talk, or silent narration from Xanthe, and very little movement.  When Xanthe reluctantly takes a holiday earlier, well, that is one of the weakest parts of the text.  

This reader was left perplexed as to what conclusion to draw.  Moreover, the external chaos is never explained, and neither is any role for the robots in that wider world which undermines the whole purpose of the Institute. In that way, we seem to have only part of the story.  While at the Institute there are schedules and work, it never seems connected to the desperate world out there.  It is indeed an Ivory Tower.  The Philophrenics will do nothing to reduce the chaos, though the Pragmapractors might.  

Sheila McLeod

I came across a reference to it somewhere, now forgotten, and being intrigued I found a used paper copy from Abe Books (despite being owned by Amazon, its stock does not appear in Amazon searches) and got it.  It is not available in an e-book. She has many other titles.

The Smiling Ghost

The Smiling Ghost (1941 – 6 September)

IMDb meta-data is runtime 1 hour and 11 minutes, rated 6.4 by 671 cinematizens.

Genre: ODH (Old Dark House).

Verdict:  Shiver and shake.

An impecunious but affable engineer agrees to fake engagement to a beauty (whose previous three fiancés have each met untimely ends).  He needs the money and the eye candy is Alexis Smith. Say no more; the answer is yes! 

He thinks it is some kind of a joke. If it is then it’s on him because the plan is to use him as bait to resolve the jinx, hoax, curse. Little does he know.  Very little. 

A theme familiar from many other silver screens is the contrasting  appeals of a beautiful woman (Miss Smith above) and a feisty one.  While Engineer is intoxicated by Beauty, he realises that he cares about Feisty.  Often in this trope Beauty is a villain but not in this case for she herself is the victim. 

In addition, Willie Best does his best, and at times is treated as a friend rather than a stereotype though the latter prevails. There is also a sixgun toting butler who later captained the Minnow.

Spoiler alert!  There is a man in iron who plays a crucial part. Yes, you read that right. Indeed. 

The ODH has all the spooky  conveniences: Sliding panels, hidden doors, secret passages, cob webs, rubber masks, thunder and lightning, candles blowing out, an empty tomb, trap doors, revolving bookshelves, an apparition of the undead, all in all just like Delt house on Greek Row. Regrettably, it also has lacklustre direction and the wasted talent of Lee Patrick. 

Chester Clute

Earlier a perennial film milquetoast – one Chester Clute – has a moment of glory when he topples the big engineer.  That was a nice touch.  

Engineer Wayne Morris was an amateur flyer who in 1941, soon after the release of this movie, enlisted in the US Navy and flew combat missions in the Pacific with seven kills and five ship hits. When he returned to Hollywood his heart wasn’t in it and his career languished, while he drifted into less demanding television work, though he was superb as the broken man in Paths of Glory (1957) released two years after his death at 45 of a heart attack while attending an air show.  

Bubba Ho-Tep

Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)

IMDb meta-data is 1 hour and 32 minutes, rated 6.9 by 3,386 cinematizens.

Genre: Bio Pic with a kick.

Verdict: The Mummy returns, again. 

Spoilers follow.

A dyed and brainless JFK does a final service for his rest home with an impotent Elvis at his side. The Lone Ranger puts in an appearance.

Elvis ponders his misspent life, while Jack reads up on the undead.  

…..

The showdown between the geezer team of a bloated, bejewelled Elvis in a white jump suit hobbling behind a Zimmer frame and Jack in a dark blue suit and a red necktie on a wheelchair with Bubba Ho-Tep has to be seen to be disbelieved. But it is time for the these two to do what has to be done; what only they can do. Yes, there will be casualties.  

Droll does not begin to describe this foray into the absurd. Yet it conveys respect for The King even if he is decrepit, a respect which he in turn effortlessly extends to the black JFK down the hall. 

For those who need authority before they can like something, know that doyen Roger Ebert used the following terms in his laudatory review ‘wacky,’ ‘vulgar,’ ‘observant,’ ‘truthful,’ ‘sincere,’ ‘respectful,’ ‘ingratiating,’ ‘harebrained,’ ‘poignant’…..  

After enduring the assault of Elvis (2022) I needed a return to something grounded. 

Elvis (2022)

Elvis (2022)

IMDb meta-data is runtime 2 hours and 39 minutes, rated 7.8 by 20,000 human comedians. 

Genre: BioPic.

Verdict: Indigestion. 

The spectacles just kept on coming without rhyme or reason until this viewer lost interest, about an hour before it ended.  Since no Hollywood movie can be made without Tom Hanks, he is there under a ton of make-up, attenuating everything well beyond the breaking point.  

When Elvis sings, that is the best part, but even that wore thin by repetition.  While the black roots of his music are emphasised it is external not internal. It goes from the outside in, and does not emerge from the inside out with the gospel songs. There exist live recordings of Elvis singing in black churches before an audience that are spectacular for the energy and emotion that are discharged. There is no need for kaleidoscopic camera spins and other confusions. Despite the no-expense spared staging in this film that electricity fizzles.  

These church recordings are, well, unrestrained and exultant quite unlike the studio versions of the same songs. They have an immediacy and intensity that is  palpable. 

When I visited Graceland, the overwhelming impression I had was the ever presence of music in every room, in every nook and cranny there were record players, instruments, sheet music, 45s, radios set to music stations. The music was oxygen for The King, and he had to have it, had to make it, to live. The house communicates that need far better than does this film.  

Moreover, the movie missed the obvious fact that celebrity killed Elvis as he was consumed by his fans. Eaten alive in the constant demand for performances and in turn he became addicted to the audiences. Colonel Tom was a catalyst not a cause.

At times the film seems to use Elvis as a prism to observe US society, and that loses its biographical focus. 

Are we there yet?  Where are we going?  And why? Alain Resnais once said if a story cannot be told in 90 minutes, it is not (yet) a story. Put differently, if you know what you want to communicate it can be done in 90 minutes, if you don’t know then it takes 2 hours and 39 minutes or more. 

Those who want something of Elvis the man might try (1) Bubba Ho-Tep (2002) for a cackle and half, or (2) one of Daniel Klein’s krimis in which Elvis investigates, e.g., Blue Suede Clues (2002). 

The King’s Choice

The King’s Choice (2016)

IMDb meta-data is 2 hours and 13 minutes run time rated 7.1 by 8,900 cinematizens.  

Genre: Biography from Norway.

Verdict:  Uplifting.

At 2:00 am on 9 April 1940 the Germans came to help Norway, so they said, by sending the darkened battleship Blücher into Oslo harbour, where alert defenders opened fire. So began war between Germany and Norway that ended on 10 June 1940. As in Denmark and the Netherlands, the German plan was a swift and overpowering assault to capture the government and force immediate capitulation. That worked in small and compact Denmark but not in watery the Netherlands and not in attenuated Norway where manoeuvre, resistance, and flight were possible.

As shots rained down in the harbour, the duly elected cabinet government debated the situation.  Is it possible to negotiate? The German ambassador is keen to do so, but…before he can do anything the Wehrmacht arrives and proceeds to occupy the country, crushing resistance with overwhelming shock and awe, ignoring the ambassador’s efforts.  

King Haakon VII is but a ceremonial figurehead, yet in this crisis many people looked to him for direction. He repeatedly defers to the government of the day, even as it disintegrates into squabbles, name-calling, blame-shifting, side deals,  and other adult pastimes. In Berlin, with a parvenu’s illusion that kings are important, Hitler offers King Haakon a special arrangement – he can remain king, if he will acknowledge Hitler’s  sycophant Vidkun Quisling as Prime Minister.  Don’t know much about Quisling?  Think of the Former Guy and you have it, a thin-skinned bully who loved rousing the rabble with idiocy to attack the defenceless. The king’s attitude is if Quisling had won a free and fair election, then so be it.  Until then, no.  

Neither will the residuum of the cabinet fleeing from the German advance accept Quisling who had repeatedly threatened them. End of movie.

Post scriptum.  Haakon and the cabinet went into exile to Great Britain. They took with them Norway’s sizeable gold reserves and instructed the considerable Norwegian merchant fleet to make for British waters. The cabinet also directed the destruction of facilities to impede the German occupation. Norwegian gold and ships became an asset in the Allied war effort.  The local resistance called itself H7 in honour of the king, who in the hour, showed the way by refusing to bow to the conquerer and insisting on Norwegian sovereignty.  

This resistance had strategic value far beyond its size and effectiveness because Berlin supposed it made Norway’s long coastline ripe for an Allied invasion, and even in June 1944 the Wehrmacht had 300,000 troops stationed there in anticipation of such an invasion. That made some sense because a Nordic Front would be at the rear of the German forces attacking the Northern Soviet Union and Leningrad. Sweden might then join the Allies, too. Moreover, if that happened, then Soviet supply convoys would also benefit by eliminating German submarine and airbases in those Arctic reaches.  

Aware of this German assumption, the RAF fed it with many reconnaissance flights, confirming the German belief that the second front would be Nordic, launched from Scotland. Hence the King made clandestine visits to Scotland in the hope that German agents would report his interest in this part of the United Kingdom. They did.      

The film is too long and a lot could have been cut (by 30+ minutes) without loss, and it verges on hagiography, but the staging, production, and acting are superb.  And the story alone is powerful.  

N.B. the German ambassador is played by Stockinger, an Austrian. Hardly likely. 

John Steinbeck’s terse novel The Moon is Down (1942) recounts a similar Norwegian story in microcosm.    

Watching this movie, reminded me that once I had a tedious argument with an ideologue who insisted that nothing changed with the German defeat of France in June 1940. His line was that the oppressors of the toiling masses changed in a circulation of elites. Nothing more. The interlocutor was disparaging of nationalism and laughed at the value of sovereignty. The Ruling Class, the Deep State, all oppressors are the same, according to him. He really should read more. 

Road to the Stars

Road to the Stars (1957)

Meta-data is 50 minutes. Not to be found in either IMDb or TVDb, but in Wikipedia

Genre: science fact and fiction. 

Verdict: Red moon rising.

A comrade got to the moon in 1957 (year of Sputnik) and kept his mouth shut about it in this excellent promotion of all things astro.  The special effects steal the show: weightlessness, moon dust, extra vehicle activity, a space station, takeoff recliner chairs, and the black vastness of space.  These are far better than any such effects in Yankee films of the period.  It seems it was part of an effort to stimulate interest in space science and exploration, particularly in youngsters.  It must surely have done that. 

In retrospect what is perhaps of greater interest now is that it also shows Soviet citizens to be ordinary folks, dressed as they like, laughing at silly mistakes, picnicking to watch spectacles, young women appreciating young men, senior citizens proud of their achievements, and being just plain folks. Not a stern commissar in sight and no picture of comrade number one over the shoulder.  No mass demonstrations like those staged in North Korea. No uniform like the Mao jacket. The party line seems to be let’s do this and have a good time while we’re at it! None of that fits with my image of the place and times.  Where is the lash? The whip? Where is the all-seeing Comrade Number One?  No where, that’s where.  

The Tango War

The Tango War (2018) by Mary Jo McConahay.  

Good Reads meta-data is 336 pages, rated 4.08 by 172 members of the Human Comedy. 

Genre: History.

Subtitle: The Struggle for the Hearts, Minds and Riches of Latin American during World War II

Verdict: Victimology.

As worldwide conflicts occurred in the middle and later 1930s, the relationship of the United States to the 33 nations in Latin American returned to centre stage.  For a century the United States treated as property those parts of this world it noticed, though it generally neglected the greater part. The Monroe Doctrine had originally protected some of the countries of Latin America from the threat of re-colonisation after they had thrown off their European masters, and at the time it was backed by a silent partnership with Great Britain, but in the intervening century the Doctrine had become a convenient excuse for exploitation, rapine, and arrogance.  

The Monroe Doctrine had been used to justify a hidden hand operation that hived Panama off Columbia and turned it into a de facto US dependency for a century. Earlier Mexico had been reduced by 60% in successive conflicts, hot and cold. Being closest, Mexico has always been favoured with US intentions. The best example is in a display of his ‘moral diplomacy’ when Woodrow Wilson had the US Navy bombard Vera Cruz in 1914. That was his phrase.  

Venezuela had once been protected from European creditors on battleships, true, but in return it endured the rapacious business practices of United Fruit (Rockefeller) and others from El Norte.  Since Latin America was all but closed to Europeans by the Monroe Doctrine wall, US businesses dictated terms at will. In the spirit of free enterprise they formed cartels to reduce competition among themselves, the better to exploit the land and people. Free market ideologues never ponder this sad story very long before returning to the clouds. 

Against this background in the late 1930s the Roosevelt Administration set out to vivify the Organization of American States and win friends with the so-called Good Neighbour Policy in which the US pledged never again to intervene by force in its good neighbours.  (Hence, the Cuban sad sacks had to front the Bay of Pigs invasion; black money funded the overthrow of the elected government south of the border more than once, private contractors flew covert bombing raids in Central America, and on and on.) Whatever the intentions of the policy, the administration was not well equiped to practice it.  US embassies in the Latin America were staffed with men (yes, only men above clerical staff) who saw themselves first and foremost as representative of those exploitative businesses.  The diplomacy they practiced often consisted of lecturing the host government on the best way to show gratitude for the US robbery they suffered.

A comparison could be made between the pre-War US domination of Latin America with the post-War Soviet domination of Eastern Europe.  Albeit the US approach was masked and at times ineffective, as when its efforts to block elected governments like that of Juan Perón in Argentina failed.    

Apart from a vast population, the southern Americas possessed natural resources that anyone could see would be important, rubber, oil, platinum, bauxite, natural gas, copper, silver, and other metals and minerals, as well as vast agricultural production, and what’s more it fronted both the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. Its single greatest strategic asset was the Panama Canal linking the two bodies of water. 

One of the most interesting parts of the story concerns the Rubber Soldiers in Brazil. To increase production Brazil mobilised for rubber production on a new level, and went at it like a military campaign.  

With thirty-three countries to choose from there is a lot to cover, and the author selects material that fit the overall approach of victimology.  The southern denizens have no wills of their own, but are enslaved by Norteamericanos.  The indictment goes on and on.  I admit I grew weary of reading the list of one-eyed wrongs, and tuned out. 

While there are occasional references to German and Italian interests, there is no sustained reckoning of their efforts to sow dissension and suborn the population. We are left with the Alfred Hitchcock film, Notorious (1946) for that side of the story.    

And speaking of that population, much of it came from recent immigration which included millions of Italians, and also a million plus German-speakers from Central Europe.  The Italians were concentrated in Argentina, while the Germans were to be found there, and in Colombia (a two hundred air miles from the Canal), and Brasil. However these Germans and Italians were counted, they added up to a far greater number than the resident Anglos.  Then there was a significant Japanese presence in Peru to be considered.  Given the author’s silence, none of these Axis peoples were anything but peace loving innocents.  

One can spend a lot of time trying to define and express that group of southern nations.  Latin American includes all the countries south of the Rio Grande for 6,000 miles to the Antarctic Ocean.  That embrace includes the islands of the Caribbean, Central American, and South America. It includes the French-speaking Haiti and Guyana.  In but not of it are the Dutch-speaking Suriname and the Aruba isles, as well as English-speaking rocks like the Bahamas. But ‘Latin America’ is most general terms for this vast area, even if its people are not all Latins in any sense, starting with the indigenous in habitants. The dominate languages is Spanish but the largest single country is Brasil where Portuguese is the spoken.  For every rule there is an exception.  

To put it all other ways:

Spanish America includes Mexico but excludes Haiti and Brasil as well the Dutch territories and British islands. 

South American excludes Mexico and six other Central American counties as well as the Caribbean islands.  

The uncommon term Iberico-America combines Spanish America with Brasil but omits the French, Dutch, and English lands and islands. 

By the way, it seems ‘Latin America’ is a term attributed to Napoleon III when he had designs on recolonising Mexico as his White Man’s Burden before Kipling. It includes all the Spanish, Portuguese, and French settled lands but omits the Dutch and English.  

Then there is vexed question of the United States territories, Puerto Rico, Virgin Islands, and the Panama Canal Zone.    

One thing common to all these variations is so obvious that it often overlooked.  All use the term ‘America,’ as in the Organization of American States.  One of the first concessions the Good Neighbour policy made was to re-title US embassies and consulates in this region as ‘United States’ and not ‘American,’ since everywhere was geographically American.  

The Ship of Monsters!

La nave de los monstruos (1960). (The [Space] Ship of Monsters.)

IMDb meta-data is 1 hour 23 minutes, rated 6.4 by 400 cinematizens.

Genre: Sy Fy; Species: Musical; Subspecies: Mexican.

Verdict: A Mexican musical science fiction film.  What more needs to be said? 

Two Venusian bathing beauties roam the universe in one-piece swimming costumes kidnapping frat boys in rubber suits, aided by Tin Man. Is this a good start, or what?! During a rest stop on Earth they meet a singing cowboy and it is love at first bite, for one of the beauties is a closet vampire with Halloween wax fangs. And that is just the beginning!  

There are no men on Venus because they have all died from dehydration in pissing contests, yet, well, they have their uses, so the Queen of Venus dispatched this duo to bring back some mating material.  They go hither and thither loading up with males of the species they encounter, per the rubber suits above. Some of them do, despite the odds, make the frat boys look good. (Sidebar: the lack of men on Venus has a history, see the Queen of Outer Space [1958] reviewed earlier on the blog.)   

Yes, this movie has everything, and then some more. Tin Man falls in love with a juke box, and that’s not the half of it. Meanwhile, the monstrous frat boys get loose and wreak havoc in Chihuahua. Not even the cows are safe. (You do not want to know.)  Señorita Vampire is so evil that even these monsters defer to her. But in the end lust conquers all as Tin Man and juke box exchange circuit breakers.  

Tin Man and cowboy perform a duet.

Whatever the scriptwriter and director were on, there should be more of it. Just when I thought I had seen everything…!

Luis Buñuel take note.

I came across it in a blurry print on You Tube with some blurry subtitles, not that the latter make any more sense than the whole thing. For those who like their r’s rolled, the soundtrack is just fine.  This film makes Abbott and Costello Go to Mars (1952) look like dreary high art, however, after Tarkovsky’s Stalker (1979) it offers pleasant relief. 

N.B. Not to be mistaken for Gene Autry crooning to aliens in Phantom Empire (1935). If you haven’t seen this item — don’t.  It runs to 4 hours!  Four hours of this singing cowboy is cruel and unusual punishment.  No wonder it was divided into segments and served in small doses, otherwise there would have been no survivors at the candy counter.